Creative Confidence (Empathy)

A Whole New Mind, By Daniel Pink
Let's just say that was not a book I was expecting to hear from again.

Because yes, oh yes. I've read it.
Required reading. Senior year High School. AP Art class.
And I have to be honest, I don't remember being super fond of it.
I'M SORRY. It's the truth.
Granted, it was a loooonngg time ago in Lauren years*
And it was Summer reading, so that sure didn't help.

But, I must admit, the clip we just read was actually interesting,
and makes me question my memories of the event.
I'm even seriously considering digging that bad boy out of storage and flipping back through.

Anyway, as part of having to read the book, our AP class also had to make a short video with
examples of each of the sections Pink refers to.
As you might be able to imagine, I wanted no part of this.
NO.
PART.
I stayed as far away as I could.
I'm even quite proud of my efforts.
I only have about three seconds of screen time.
Good job, high school Lauren.
You've made me proud.

-----------------------
Okay, I tried really hard to save this video from Facebook, but I couldn't get it to work. I tried a couple of sites that supposedly could rip it off, and even followed a tutorial on how to use the Google Chrome developer tools to try and get access to the mp4 file, still, no luck. So, I've added the link to the FB video below, and if you're friends with me, you should be able to successfully pull it off.**
And if you're not friends with me=
what's wrong with you**
why aren't you friends with me
why won't you be my friend
why don't you like me
what did I ever do to you

https://www.facebook.com/video.php?v=1801683405534

*A "Lauren Year" is an immeasurable amount of time that can either be longer or shorter than the average year on account of my extreme lack of memory coupled with my inability to accurately judge and/or estimate any given length of time.

**Ryan McGee

Creative Confidence FOUR

Mr. Roberts, MR. ROBERTS. Yes, hi, HEY. 

Gonna need you to calm down sir.

Take a deep breath, in-out, yeah, perfect.

Not that you don’t have every reason to be pumped.

I won’t lie, I’m impressed.
But I also feel that your talk implies an ease and haste that doesn’t help your cause.

I got your point on how these types of things need to simply be done,
without too much thought or planning,
so that you don’t get stopped by things like planning and details. 

However, I don’t think there’s any shame in admitting you’ve put hard work into something. You don’t have to make it all sound like something you almost singlehandedly threw together on a whim.

Like the guy on a sitcom who’s trying to impress a girl, so he goes up to the roof of some abandoned building and slaves away for hours building the disparaged site into an urban wonderland of romantic wonder. I.e, trees in bloom, quirky vases filled with rare African flowers that only bloom for five hours a year, lawn of lush grass, that is of course draped in a sprawling hand stitched quilt and covered in silk pillows, then nestled in the center is a heart shaped hand carved palette made from a tree in the forest where she grew up,  sitting on top is an array of her favorite foods from the small Chinese bakery in her hometown that’s five states away, then hundreds of violet colored candles cover the rim of the building, and twinkling lights strung into an overhead canopy, accented by the occasional Chinese lantern.

That weekend he approaches the female, “Hey, I, uh, a pigeon stole my phone. 

And flew off with it. I think it took it to the roof. 

I have crippling fear of technology stealing foul. 

Want to come up with me. Please.”

Girl: “……That doesn’t make any sens-“

Guy: “NO PLEASE ROOF NOW ME WITH GO WILL YOU?”

Girl: “I don’t think I feel comfort-“

*Guy grabs girl’s hand and drags her to roof*

They get to the top, and she finds herself in the date night Eden.

She’s astounded, surprised, and impressed, as she turns to him, 

“This is amazing. It’s perfect. It’s beautiful. How did you pull this off? 

My god, I can’t believe you went to this much trouble. It must’ve taken you hours?”

Guy: *causal shrug* 

“Oh, what this ? Nah, just threw it together in five minuets.  

Didn’t even really try. Zero percent effort.  Easy.”
Yeah.

I understand that your efforts weren’t planned to the last detail.
That you embarked on all these tasks with a simplistic determination,
and general disregard for framework.
But I know it wasn’t that easy.
Don’t lie.
“Oh yeah, we just threw up a hundred trees, painted some bike lanes, and built some tables, nbd lol”
WHAT.
I’m sorry, hold on.
Pause.

Let’s think about this for a second

You just casually found hundreds of trees.

Transported these trees.

Placed these trees.

Found wood for these tables.
Built them.
Painted them.
Set them up.
Bought gallons of paint.
Painted bike lanes down either side of a busy road.
Etc.
All last minute.
-Easy-

Nah, I’m calling bull.

Things like that take a lot of manpower.

A lot of money.
Dedicated people.
A certain amount of time, and planning.
And to play all that off as just something you did on a whim?
Sure, it makes you sound cool.
But, I’m willing to bet it also might scare off some of us who when we accurately estimate what
we’re capable of in our spare time, realize that we can’t do things to quite that level.
Now, that’s not to say that we can’t do some crazy awesome stuff.
Stuff we maybe wouldn’t even have dreamed of.
But still.

Basically. 

If a guy is standing on the top of mount Everest, bragging about how it was no big deal, 

took ten minuets, total accident really, didn’t even mean for it to happen, etc.
The people at the bottom might think, wow that was easy for him, I could do that. But they also might then start up the mountain and when it gets hard, feel discouraged that it was so easy for
whats-his-face, but they can’t seem to do it as quickly.
And that’s not a good feeling.
So if I could give some advice to the man on the mountain,
I’d say yeah. Tell your story. Make your journey seem approachable. Be encouraging.
But there’s nothing wrong with putting some hard work into something.
And letting people know that you did.
That way, those people at the bottom will be able to look up and think,
“He actually IS just like me. And if he can do it, so can I.”
Then they'll climb the mountain too.

Creative Confidence, the third

Hm. Well this is awkward.

It seems as though, ah, my last post kind of set a rather sturdy stage
for Cameron’s writings on perfectionism.

Not much more to add really.

But hey, the first step to recovery is admitting you have a problem, right?

Enough about that though. 

Although this reading just continues to rub my nose into the fact that I’m a perfectionist,
it hasn’t done a great deal to offer specific advice for what to do about that. 
So. Yeah.

*awkward silence*

OH, yeah, almost forgot. 

I did something based off the strengths test thingy.

Specifically, the “Modesty and Humility” one.

See, the thing is, I don’t really want to tell anyone about it.

Kind of defeats the whole purpose, doesn’t it?

I mean, I’m sorry. Kind of.

The whole point was to prove that  we should do the things we’re “good at,”
because those are the things we’ll enjoy doing.

And I did enjoy it. It was a little victory. Still cool though.

And to tell you about it, would effectively kill it.

Where’s the fun in that?

Answer: NOWHERE.

The Fun Is Nowhere

NEXT TOPIC

Reading about luck made me think of those little lucky cat things

so now I have an odd desire to draw one and turn it into a sticker.

And I probably shall. 

That is all.

And yes. 

I drew a horse.
*sigh*

word vomit (creative confidence post 2)

This whole debacle is just one very specific tip of the iceberg in terms of all the “optimism and resilience” based struggle in my life. But I had to start somewhere, so here I am.

I’ve had a lot of people tell me I have a problem with perfectionism.
I took it as a complement at first. Because it was initially given to me as one. When I used to be really into art, I would have teachers comment on how much of a “perfectionist” I was. I would receive praise for my work, for the attention to detail, for the lack of flaws, then I would be told I was a perfectionist.

So to me, that meant that I was thorough.

That I didn’t accept anything less than the best.

I can show you what is wrong with everything I have ever done though.

It was nice that people said things like that, but I did not, and do not believe them.

The complements they gave were and are, simply oversights on their part.

You think this is good? It’s not.

I can show you why it’s not. 
I have never completed anything that isn’t insanely flawed.

And I consider it realistic of myself to know that.

Fundamentally I’m afraid of being one of “those people.”

I can’t describe it figuratively, so I’ll give you the mental image I’ve drawn up.
In art classes there are always “those people.” People who are extremely prideful, and think of themselves as artists. Who think they’re great, who think their work is fantastic- but honestly. It sucks. Like the people on American Idol. The ones who get up there, full of confidence, look the judges straight in the eye, start to sing- and then wow us all with their immense capacity for complete failure. The one thing we’re all thinking when we encounter these people is “How do they not know?”
How do they not see their flaws?
Hasn’t anyone ever told them?
Don’t they understand?
Then the next thing I think/feel is embarrassment for them.
Because embarrassment is a deep fear of mine.

Maybe that’s why I insist on dwelling so completely on all the ways in which I don’t measure up to everyone else.
Because as long as I am aware of them, no one can tell me something I don’t know.

I will never be one of the contestants on stage, receiving the news that they are not in fact good singers.
Because I know what’s wrong with me.

And there’s a lot. It’s true.
But what matters is that there’s no “new” insult you can throw at me.
I’m not perfect. That’s fine.
But do not for a second, think that I think I am.
I can’t deal with that. I don’t know why.

I just can’t deal with the idea that someone thinks they need to break the news to me. This is a struggle that crops up a lot in my life.

The one, broadest way though, is that it keeps me from starting.

If I know I can’t do something perfectly. Why would I try.

For example, I know I can’t draw a horse.
So I will not draw a horse.

Obviously you can see the problem this mindset creates.

For to learn how to do something, you have to try, fail, and try again.

But something that process requires, is an ignorance to the fact that you suck.

And I don’t have that. I know I suck. So why would I prove it to you?
Or not even that. I suppose I don’t mind that.

If I were to try and draw a horse, I would be able to look at the finished product, and know that it sucks. God, it would be BAD.
I know that. And I wouldn’t want anyone to see it, unless I could first make sure that they understood, that I understood it was bad. As long as they knew that, okay, sure, take a look. We can laugh about it together.

But I am nauseated at the idea of someone seeing my horse and thinking that I think it’s good. I KNOW it’s not good. I KNOW it.

Do not for a second think that I don’t.
Don’t lie to me and say that it is.

Don’t “spare my feelings.”
That’s how those poor people end up on the American Idol stage making fools of themselves. Their whole lives people have lied to them because they didn’t want to hurt their feelings, or be negative, or kill their dreams, whatever.

But what good has that done in the end? All they’ve done is delayed the inevitable. Now we’re all laughing at them. Now the damage is much greater. 

Creative Confidence, post one

“To achieve creativity in an existing domain, there must be surplus attention available.” “And attention is a limited resource: There is just so much information we can process at any given time.” 

YES. THIS.

Praise you Csikszentmihalyiblablabla, you have done it.

This is the struggle. The root of it all. 

            

Alright Professor Canales , I know you wanted our insight and opinions, not proof we did the reading, so I apologize if starting off with a quote makes me seem like I’ve missed the mark, 

but please understand where I am coming from.

Mihaly Csikasdfjkl; you have truly done it. Admittedly, I can not say I am totally on board with everything you have said so far, but man, you are blowing  my mind with some of it.

You have granted me relief.

            So many of the jumbled thoughts I have had, or things I have observed, so much of the random mess in my mind- you have summarized and said.

In English and everything.

Relief might not be the right word, honestly. That implies a calmness, a peace. What I am experiencing as I flip through these pages, hastily underling things, is some kind of relief & excitement hybrid.

It is that feeling you get during charades, when someone finally guesses what you are acting out.

            Or like someone who has been chasing aliens for years, and finally finds someone else with a passion for extraterrestrials. See, I’m not crazy! It’s not just me! He sees it too!

 This problem is probably rooted in the fact these are not the kinds of things people talk about. In all the ways we obsess over learning styles, personal habits, and the way humans function- for some reason the idea of ‘creativity’ is more than anyone ever wants to tackle. Maybe it’s because of the ambiguity of the idea. It’s not easy to measure, so why try, when things like testing scores can be analyzed and picked apart till the cows come home. Maybe no one cares. They think of creativity as something for art teachers and elementary students. No matter the reason, information on creativity is scarce. So it’s amazing to finally have a legitimate piece of literature that treats creativity and the way we creatively operate, as fact.

The things I like most about what’s been said so far are the little human truths. The things that point out a human behavior or tendency, then give a reason for it or explain it. Those are the little gold nuggets, in my opinion. However, some of the broader, more assumptive things he’s been touching on are not totally my cup of tea. I’ll withhold judgment, since I’m still not very far into the book. I’ll give him a chance to make his case. Still, right now, I’m still a little skeptical.

But overall. This is great.

Golden. 

Keep it up Mihaly, keep it up.

Departure

Four people.
Three dogs.
One truck.
Eight hours.

Muleshoe, TX.
We leave in 5.
Let's go.

chapter one

DANG NABBIT

Enough with the begin agains.

I guess this blog just is what it is.

I suppose I don't have to be happy with all that I've written.

nor all that I've forgotten to write. 

For now, I'll just be content in letting it exist.

So instead of 'beginning again,' I'll just keep going.

And maybe, just maybe, I'll start to get the hang of this. 

Warmest of Regards,

Lauren